I scheduled this post to publish today, September 24, 2021. It would’ve been my grandmother’s 85th birthday. She died of COVID-19 almost two months ago, on July 30th. It wasn’t just my grandmother who contracted COVID, though. Mother, her brother, and brother-in-law (a.k.a, my uncles) were infected as well. I wanted to write this for a couple of reasons – to give closure to those nightmarish 5 weeks, and to remind whoever cares enough to read this to take COVID-19 seriously.
I prefer to avoid talking about personal stuff on the internet as much as possible, but for the sake of giving context, here is a quick summary. My grandmother was swabbed and confirmed to be COVID-positive on July 12th, after feeling symptoms a few days prior. My mother (who was taking care of her) and my uncle (whose family lives with my grandmother) all tested positive about week later. My grandmother was in the hospital for around 18-ish days.
One has to actually experience COVID or have a loved one contract it for them to realize how truly terrible the whole ordeal is. It’s horrible. All the emotional stuff you see on the news is 100% accurate. I try to stay as rational as possible in everything, even going at lengths to emulate one of my personal favorite historical figures, Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius.
Like a good stoic would, I, (or I guess at least a part of me) accepted the fact that COVID infecting myself or a loved one would be, like Thanos, inevitable. I thought I was mentally prepared to deal with it once it’s there, but the moment my mother messaged me (from her isolation room in an extra house within our family compound, she was not hospitalized) that she had a hard time breathing, I felt like I was about to implode. I haven’t felt that sort of panic since… 2016.
My mother had all the usual symptoms associated with COVID: lack of taste and smell, shortness of breath, coughing, all of that stuff. She barely ate obviously due to this. And at some point during her isolation she felt physically weak. Even the lightest of activities would drain her of energy, and this continued long after she was declared COVID-free. I can not emphasize enough how bad of an experience it was for her.
My uncle felt the same symptoms as my mother but he recovered from those a few days earlier than her. They’re both physically active as they are bikers but coming from a family with a history of co-morbidity like hypertension, they weren’t exactly of the woods during this crucible.
That’s just the physical aspect of COVID. That disease drains you emotionally as well. I’d spend time on the phone listening to mother cry and lament about her situation, the physical distress she’s in, and the lingering thought that her mother (my grandmother) was alone in the hospital, fighting the same battle she is. The difference is my grandmother isn’t as physically strong as she was.
My grandmother didn’t fare any better at the hospital. My mother and her twin would videocall lola (somebody from the hospital would hold the phone for her). She was angry that she was all alone, and she kept demanding to be taken home. She was angry because she was not aware she had COVID. This led to her confusion, I guess, as to why she had to be isolated, with no loved one to take care of her.
Needless to say, her condition did not get better, even after all the drugs her doctor (quick tangent, I trust that guy with my literal life; he’s one of the best doctors I know) gave her. Her body did not respond to them, and that was that. She died at around 6 P.M.-ish on July 30th. I was watching Dreamcatcher‘s comeback showcase for Summer Holiday on VLive when I got the news. Life comes at you fast, y’know. One minute you’re watching Yoohyeon doing Yoohyeon things, the next you’re signing waivers for cremation purposes. On a lighter note, I did finish watching Dreamcatcher perform all their new songs at the hospital while waiting for all the paperwork to be done.
It wasn’t fun for us who didn’t catch COVID, either. At night you try to fight off sleep for fear of missing a chat or call from your patients in the middle of the night asking for help or something. Like always when dealing with the unknown,, it’s extra frightening, not just because you’ve no idea how your patients are going to end up, but that paranoia that “you’re next” starts creeping on you. I almost bathed in alcohol.
On a slightly petty, but still concerning front, you’re also forced to try new recipes just to encourage them to eat. It really is a slippery slope, you know. They’re too sick to eat, and get sicker because they don’t eat. You really want to avoid that. My mother is already a picky eater when healthy, so this was a challenge.
And of course, COVID sets you back financially. Without going to specifics, the total amount you spend on drugs, and the hospital bill, and other expenses is… pretty damn high. You’d rather spend that amount on other things that doesn’t make you want to push your fingers into your eyes.
Sooooooooooooooooo in conclusion, don’t get COVID. We’re already inundated with reminders but I’ll add to it anyway. Get vaccinated, if you haven’t already. Don’t be a choosy wuss, and don’t be the weirdo who’s still doing their “research” about something that’s already proven to help. And even if you’re vaccinated, continue masking up, practice physical distancing, avoid crowds unless absolutely necessary, all that good stuff. Most importantly, vote for elected government officials that aren’t likely to fuck things up once the next global crisis arises.
I know the itch to try and live like pre-pandemic conditions is strong but I assure you it’s not worth doing so just yet. I would argue the whole better safe than sorry crap you’re tired of hearing. Here’s a list of stuff you can do indoors to tide you over when the itch gets strong. Stay safe!
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