March 5th, 2018 marked the fifth year anniversary of the time I nearly collapsed on a sidewalk along Mabini Street in Iloilo City because of severe dehydration and a near heat stroke. I recalled that experience in a blog post a few years ago, and since it’s starting to get hot again, what with summer fast approaching, I urge you to read it to save yourself from having to go through what I did (check it out here).
The aftermath of that experience was pretty interesting to say the least. At the time, I didn’t think of the severity of what I had experienced because I hydrated myself with a lot of water, rested in a shaded area and started to feel better. As with everything in life, it was never as easy as it sounded 🤦🏻♂️.
Two days later, my body manifested certain feelings that I’ve never encountered before. First, my vision got blurry, then would be okay, then go blurry again, and so on. Random headaches plagued me throughout the day. I easily got dizzy whenever I wasn’t lying in bed or on the couch. I didn’t pay much attention since those were common symptoms and who hasn’t experienced those anyway?
The universe then decided to play a prank on me (like usual) by way of the news reporting on an ailment called brain edema which, incidentally, had symptoms that were similar to what I was feeling. Starting to get scared, I did what any smart, logical person would do — Google symptoms on the internet!
After several searches, WebMD told me I indeed suffered from brain edema! That, or some kind of brain tumor or cancer! (In all seriousness kids, never ever self-diagnose. It’s most likely wrong, and you’ll just end up peeing yourself).
That’s when it happened. I vividly remember grasping a cabinet, my heart started racing, it felt like I was going to have a heart attack with the intensity of the beating. My eyes blurred, everything felt like it moved in slow mo, I wanted to run and I did but didn’t know where to run off to. I was sweating profusely. The worst part was this cold feeling of fear rising in your spine that you just couldn’t explain.
I couldn’t remember much after that, but I found myself on the floor, doing that fetal position thing while rocking myself and chewing on the nail on my thumb. I don’t know if I cried, I’m not much of a cryer. A college kid crying. Absurd! (Note: it’s NOT absurd, we need to end this macho culture where crying is seen as weakness)
I probably cried because that was a horrible feeling and was alone at the time. A little after I’d composed myself, it dawned on me that I just had my first panic attack. It had affected me badly that I kept on chewing on my nails with a faraway look until my mother found me like that.
Up to that point, being a huge follower of punk rock and its subgenres, I had read so many confessions by fans and band members alike about their experiences with anxiety and panic attacks but couldn’t fully understand what made them so crippling.
Experiencing a panic attack first-hand gave me empathy for those who are eaten alive by anxiety. It can be very traumatic to an individual, which can lead to their withdrawal from engaging in things they normally do to avoid the chance of ever experiencing attacks again.
It’s easy to tell those who suffer these mental disorders “you got nothing to worry about” or “everything is going to be fine”, but when what plagues you is irrational in nature, these are just hollow words. I think this is the scariest part, how illogical these attacks can be in the sense that you can’t reconcile any reason why you’re feeling this horrible thing, you just do, and it’s so maddening.
Instead, the best you can do for an individual experiencing anxiety and panic attacks is to just be there for them — and let them know that you are there for them. Let them know that they are not alone when they go through all that and that you’re going to get past the episode together.
It’s not easy for me to be honest and share this out to the world. I’m a social media guy and always will, but I never want to paint myself as “vulnerable” to the world. The stuff I share to the internets are always the of the fun and sassy variety, never the truly personal feelings stuff. But it has to be done in order to raise more awareness on mental health issues.
So if YOU, dear reader, are experiencing any anxiety or panic attacks or anything of the sort, know that you’re not alone. I love you, I’m here for you. Check out the “About Me” page of my blog and hit me up on Twitter, Instagram or via e-mail if you need a friend
Oh, and those symptoms I experienced? The doctor (which should have done the initial dignosis and not my DIY self) said I nearly had a heat stroke and that the number of electrolytes in my body was low. She made me take oral rehydration salts to replenish electrolytes and eat a lot of bananas (potassium helps prevent the body from losing too much electrolytes by way of sweating and peeing.. or something like that).
HYDRATE YOURSELVES, FRIENDS. 🖖🏼
patrickkennan.com 